well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize