i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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