i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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