it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We got so high we made milksteak
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
