If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize