Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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