You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
MIDGETS
????
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
false alarm, still single
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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