I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
