yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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