After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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