How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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