My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize