I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
