based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
