My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
