fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
