So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
