If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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