News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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