yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
