I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
