you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
