is your mom at the bar?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
