He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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