OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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