The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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