would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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