while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my liver is dry heaving
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize