the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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