just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
