I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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