I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize