i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
