All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
