I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
