new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Alive.
So much puke
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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