just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize