cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
