I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
