Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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