She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
nutella sex= disaster
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
