when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
