You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
