I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
