Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My first STD was from a foam party
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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