did you get engaged???
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
