i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
