Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
