why do cheetos always look like penises
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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