Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
