went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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