Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So much Jack, so little girl.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
