I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
