I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the condom got lost in my hair
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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