Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
