I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
