the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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