then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
