i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
