And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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